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Like a few other cultures, our Jewish calendar is a lunar one, following the cycle of the moon. It still consists of 12 months, but because each cycle of the moon is 29.5 days long, every month is either 29 or 30 days, sometimes not the same each year. It makes the year only 355 days long unlike the Gregorian calendar of 365 days. This is why we say “oh! The holidays are early (or late) this year!” Now, every so often (It actually occurs 7 times in a 19 year cycle – but don’t ask me for the logarithm, I’m a rabbi, not a mathematician), there is a leap – where in the Jewish calendar we add an entire month (instead of a Day in February every 4 years which is MUCH easier to keep track of!). This is when the holidays seem to jump ahead again and then slowly move earlier and earlier until we need another jump. For this reason, our Jewish months only mostly coincide with the same American months. This year, we are lucky and January, February, and March each have one Holiday – nicely balanced.

This is all to lead us into the intriguing idea that our Jewish holidays do not only stand alone as celebrations, ceremonies, or memorials, but rather also take us on a journey through the year and our lives, teaching us valuable lessons as we travel together. Even if we do not celebrate each holiday, knowing about them can help us to glean lessons to help shape our lives.

This year, on January 3rd, there is a holy day known as the Fast of Tevet. It falls on the 10th day of the Jewish month of Tevet and in Hebrew is called “Aseret B’Tevet”, just meaning the 10th of Tevet. Unlike religious holidays, this day of remembrance, repentance, and commemoration begins at sunRISE on January 3rd and ends at night on the same day. The 10th of Tevet is not a later thought in our history, it is actually mentioned in our bible as well. In the book of Second Kings, chapter 25, verse one, our Bible states, “In the ninth year of Zedekiah’s reign, on the tenth day of the tenth month, Nebuchadnezzar moved against Jerusalem with his whole army. He besieged it; and they built towers against it all around. The city continued in a state of siege until the eleventh year of King Zedekiah.” Thus the 10th of Tevet is a day to remember when Nebuchadnezzar began his siege of Jerusalem until it finally fell, and the first Temple was destroyed on the 9th of Av over 2 years later. This day of fasting bears witness to the destruction of our people’s way of life and what could have been the complete destruction of our people.

A month and three days later, on February 6th this year, we will celebrate Tu B’shevat. Another holiday known only by its date (the 15th of Shevat), Tu B’shevat is one of our four Jewish new year. It’s not so unusual to have more than one new year. We in America have January 1st as the official new Calendar year, with April 15th marking the tax year and sometime in September marking the school year. So, Jews have many new years as well. Tu B’shevat is the new year of the trees. It is not mentioned in the bible, but rather has a later creation, when the Jews are more settled in our lands and we can actually count how old the very trees we planted are. On Tu B’shevat, it is traditional to have a seder mirroring our Passover seder with four glasses of wine, but they move from white wine to rose to red in order to celebrate the seasons. We plant seeds in the hopes that new life will grow, and it has become somewhat of a tradition to plant parsley on Tu B’shevat to use when it grows as the parsley on our seder plates for Passover.

Yet one month later on the evening of March 6th to the evening of March 7th is the holiday of Purim. A holiday of complete joy and celebration. A holiday where our Heroine Esther saves her people through dishonesty, seduction, and bravery. (Feel free to attend my Purim class as we get closer to this holiday to hear the true Danielle Steel novel that the book of Esther really is!) Anyway, the book of Purim is pure joy, fun, and silly antics rejoicing in the saving of our people.

So, what do these holidays come along to teach us on this journey? From the Fast of Tevet through Tu B’shevat to Purim we go from destruction to planting seeds in the hopes that they will grow, to celebrating the success and survival of our people. Our holiday timeline echoes the line from Psalm 126, “Those who sow in tears will reap in joy.”

So let us remember as we travel through the winter to the spring from January through March, to keep our holidays in mind. When we feel like we are under siege, when we feel that our walls have been breached and all is lost. Take the time to mourn – but only from sunrise until nightfall, not the full time of a normal holiday. Then plant a seed and tend it. If we tend it and care for it, we will one day reap in joy and laughter as the book of Esther says, “La Yehudim Hayta Ora, v’simcha v’sasson vikar. For the Jews had light and gladness, happiness and honor. May it be so with us and all the world.”

Kein Y’hi Ratzon. Be this God’s will.

The President’s note is purposeful if it provides information that , once read, is beneficial to congregants. The note needs to express the indebtedness of our staff, including our Rabbi, Executive Director, teachers, maintenance and office staff. The President’s note should highlight past and upcoming important synagogue events, fundraising efforts, school achievements, and our ability to bring joy and a sense of belonging to our community. There is no question that the entire Board of Trustees and me value the contributions of everyone we work with and serve. I am writing this just after the amazing Chanukah celebration with over 300 in attendance and the acquisition of a third year of the universal Pre-K program due to our successful reputation of providing wonderful services to the 4 years olds who attend this program in our building. I am very grateful that many people have expressed the feeling that North Shore Synagogue is a place to feel good, uplifted, and at home. We enter the year 2023 with excited anticipation of more good things ahead.

Everyone has their “thing” that brings them to 83 Muttontown Eastwoods Road. The Shabbat family and musical services bring people who enjoy a spirited and lively way to end one week and start another. Some Friday nights, there are those who come to remember loved ones on the anniversary of their passing. Parents come to bring their kids to Religious or Nursery School and for B’nei mitzvah lessons. Recently, one parent asked me how to show his daughter his connections to the synagogue while he was encouraging her to attend religious school. I told him that I love Torah Study. Every Saturday morning, there is a group of people that come together to try and understand this week’s torah portion. No Hebrew or prior knowledge required, is how it’s promoted. That might not sound as good as a game of pickleball or a round of golf or even sleeping late after a long week. And yet, it is an amazing time for those who attend. We read a text that was written thousands of years ago. We debate the importance of repeated words, why harsh punishment is presented as a solution, and how the writings of history can be applied today. When I think about being a Jewish woman in the Reform movement, I understand why I believe in the value of change. When I drive on Shabbat, I am not beating or harming an animal, when I turn on the lights in my home, I am not working to light a fire. And, through Torah study, I can respect the value of traditions being held that are not “modern.” Most importantly, attending Torah study is a place that I learn from our Rabbi, and other clergy or lay leaders who bring lessons from the parsha to those in the group. We end our study with a small service, a few pertinent prayers, as well as prayers for healing and remembrance. It is a small group where we can share, perhaps, why those names are important and by that action keep them in the hearts and minds of others.

I wish everyone a healthy and peaceful 2023. We will continue to have something for everyone here at North Shore Synagogue and I hope to see you all soon. Thank you for your continued support.

Almost everything I see these days is telling me that time is running out. The school superintendent is sending emails such as “it’s hard to believe there’s only 6 more weeks of the school year!” The principal is sending messages saying “hurry to buy those black dress slacks for the end of the year concert! Only 19 more days to go!” Summer camp is reminding me to fill out my forms because “camp starts in only 60 days!”

Advertisements on television, radio, and the internet are all urging me to “lock in now, before prices go up!” or “Buy now, only a few more left in stock!” Of course, then I rush to sign onto my Amazon account to order whatever the item is only to find out that it won’t ship to me in time for whatever I need it for even though I have Amazon Prime. So then I race to the physical store – a rare occasion in these past two years for so many of us – only to find that they have no stock due to shipping delays and production delays worldwide.
Is there any surprise that our country finds itself in a mental health crisis – specifically anxiety disorders? Now, there is a difference for sure, between feeling anxious or nervous about something and actually suffering from an anxiety disorder, but the symptoms in the moment can be alarmingly similar. And if those nervous or anxious moments are forced upon anyone for enough times, the weight can become unbearable. Our country, as a whole, is suffering. And we are both the victim and the assailant.

It’s an age old method. News reporters will tell you that tragedy, drama, and blood sells. The winner of the national spelling bee, or the idea that the weather was sunny again with enough drizzle to perfectly water the daffodils, does not. And while it might be true, it doesn’t make it healthy. It doesn’t make it helpful. And it doesn’t make it right.

Now, I don’t think that this bulletin article or any changes that it may inspire anyone to make, will even begin to make a dent in our country-wide culture of preying on “FOMO” (Fear Of Missing Out). I cannot hope to make an impact as strong as that. But, I do hope that this can touch one person in one way or another.

What do I mean by that? What then, is my message?
My message, my plea, is simple. Be aware of the other. Tactics aimed at using and abusing someone else’s fears or insecurities, is not only unethical, but it is hurtful and unacceptable as well. Another person’s weakness is not yours to exploit for your own gain, either personal or business. On the flipside, do not feel compelled to take on anyone else’s anxiety. Now, this is much easier said than done. And for those in our community with mental health struggles, it is a daily battle that wages constantly. If you do not suffer from a disorder, but you find yourself having difficulty coping with something, please take a moment to stop and breathe. Try self-talk, meditation, or simply to close your eyes at that moment and slow things down. If you feel that you have an anxiety disorder – if your anxiety begins to interfere with your everyday life, please see a professional. My door (zoom, in person, phone, or otherwise) is always open and I am happy to listen, help if I can, and refer you when necessary, to someone who can help you. You are NOT alone.

May is Mental Health Awareness Month, but mental health is a lifelong commitment. Please don’t stay silent if you are suffering. Call me in the office at extension 111 or on my cell phone at 516-330-0667. I’m here for you.

I remember hearing in college, from Professor Jyl Lynn Felman, that race is fluid. I remember thinking that was an insane statement. You couldn’t change your race, I argued. I couldn’t decide I was Black any more than a dove could choose to become a tiger. The class discussed for quite some time the definition of the word “race.” Our definitions ranged from those found in the dictionary:
1. any one of the groups that humans are often divided into based on physical traits regarded as common among people of shared ancestry.
2. the fact of dividing people, or of people being divided, into such groups
3. a group of people sharing a common cultural, geographical, linguistic, or religious origin or background.
4. a group of living things considered as a category

To our own interpretations based on experiences:
1. “Race” refers to physical differences that groups and cultures consider socially significant, while “ethnicity” refers to shared culture, such as language, ancestry, practices, and beliefs.
While the sociology majors defined race this way:
1. Sociologists define race as a concept that is used to signify different types of human bodies. While there is no biological basis for racial classification, sociologists recognize a long history of attempts to organize groups of people based on similar skin color and physical appearance. The absence of any biological foundation makes race challenging to define and classify, and as such, sociologists view racial categories and the significance of race in society as unstable, always shifting, and intimately connected to other social forces and structures.
My brain hurt. How could race be socially constructed? Either a person was made of one race, or another, right?
And then professor Felman said one word that forever changed my closed-minded view of race. She said “holocaust.”
“One day”, she began, “you are walking down the main street of your town and you are German. Your race is Aryan. Your race is German. Your race is whatever is accepted. Jewish is your religion. And then the next day, you are told that your genetic make-up is different than that of your neighbor and now ‘Jew” is a race. Boom, your race has changed. It was fluid. And sadly, able to be defined by someone else.” This is what Whoopi Goldberg missed in her statements about the holocaust. She stated about the Holocaust, “But it’s not about race. It’s not. It’s about man’s inhumanity to other man.” There has been backlash against Ms. Goldberg directly following her statements and she has not only apologized, but used this mistake as an opportunity to reeducate herself about the Holocaust and educate herself about the entire idea of race. While I am deeply saddened that her original statements occurred on such a large screen, I am incredibly proud of and grateful to her for sharing her lessons learned on as many screens as she can, as well.
In the story of Purim that will occur soon, we see another case where Judaism is seen as something that needs to be hidden in order for a person to survive and rise in society. While we may all be aware of Mordecai’s monotheistic statement that he will not bow down to evil Haman because Jews only bow down to the one true God, that’s not at all what Purim is about. Mordecai and all the other Jews surely bowed to King Ahasuearus. Our tradition teaches that Mordecai wouldn’t bow to Haman because Haman was a descendant of Amalek, sworn enemy of the Israelite people in the bible. Interesting sidenote, but Purim isn’t about that either.
There is no mention of praying to God in the book of Esther. In fact, God isn’t mentioned even once. Neither is the god or gods of the Persians. Judaism isn’t seen in the story of Purim as a religion, but rather as a people, as a race. Jews are compared to Persians, not to Zoroastrians (as their religions would have them be called). And Mordecai is even referred to as “of Jewish stock,” (Esther 6:13) a clear reference to race.

Esther remains silent. She, even as a Jew herself, at first refuses to come before the king and declare racism. It takes Mordecai, convincing her that even she will not survive this ordeal, to make her finally stand up and call out Haman’s actions and the king’s implicit agreement for what it really is, racism and antisemitism.
Today, we are not only seeing a rise in antisemitism around the United States and the world, but we are also seeing a rise in people remaining silent about it.
Race is fluid, a social construct. But when the vocal few find us Jews a race or a people when it suits them, (The hostage taker in Texas demanded to speak to Rabbi Angela Buchdahl or Central Synagogue in New York City, because he wanted her to use her Jewish influence to secure the release of a terrorist) and yet not a race, also when it suits them, (That same hostage situation in Texas was called “not antisemitism” by the FBI because “the attack was focused on an issue not directly related to the Jewish community.” (https://www.independent.co.uk)), that fluidity and social construction is never more evident. Let us not forget that the first person to ever call us a “people” was Pharoah, who then used that to enslave us for 400 years.
Judaism is a people, a socially constructed race, a religion, and even a way of life. If we want to survive and thrive, we must claim and cling to all of those definitions. We must stick together. And, like Esther finally learns at the end of her own story, we must speak out before it’s too late.

Tu B’Shevat this year falls on January 17th. This year it shares its date with Martin Luther King Jr. Day. Here in America, Tu B’shevat makes no sense. I admit it. It’s the New Year of the trees, when we celebrate the beginning of the blossoming of the buds, the young sprouts first emerging from the soil, the entering of spring. And it’s in January. The trees are bare, the blossoms are non-existent, the ground is frozen, and we are still facing the cold prospect of February. In America, Tu B’shevat makes no sense. Martin Luther King Jr. Day, while Dr. King was still alive, was just another day. It had not yet gained the power it has today. Unfortunately, Dr. King had to fight for what we celebrate and commemorate on that day. It didn’t yet exist in his lifetime. Martin Luther King Jr. Day comes to celebrate freedom for all, civil rights, peace amongst the races, and unity in our country. That’s what Dr. King preached. It’s what he peacefully fought for. And sometimes, sadly, we celebrate the day bearing his name knowing that it has not come to fruition as he would have hoped.

Back to Tu B’Shevat for a moment. I remember my two years spent in Israel. Israel, the country where all the Jewish holidays fall into place. In my mind, Israel has two seasons: “Oy! It’s so hot and dry!” and “Oy! It’s so cold and wet!” The Hot and dry season lasts from Passover to Sukkot – exactly the amount of time we spend praying for dew in our G’vurot prayer. The cold and wet season lasts from Simchat Torah back to Passover, gradually getting warmer and dryer starting – you guessed it, around January. I was lucky enough to live through these seasons in Israel twice. Let me tell you, when it rained for the first time in months on Erev Sukkot and people danced in the wet streets, it truly felt like Sukkot. And I vividly remember walking to my school, Hebrew Union College one day in January. The incredible cold spell had just finally lifted so I was able to walk (albeit briskly) wearing my autumn jacket. As I walked, I took a deep breath, enjoying the day’s warmth. I happened to glance at the grass next to the sidewalk. And there it was, by my feet, in the middle of January, the first tulip sprout gingerly poking its head out of the ground. I looked up and saw an almond tree, the first tree in Israel to blossom, with its beautiful light pink and white blossoms. “Wow,” I thought, “what a perfectly beautiful day.” Then it struck me. I looked at my calendar. Yep, today was Tu B’Shevat.

I stopped in my tracks. I stopped my feet, I stopped my breathing, I stopped my thoughts. I just stood there, in the middle of a sidewalk in Jerusalem and breathed in the fragrance of the almond blossoms. I soaked in the light of the January sun. I unzipped my coat and felt the warmth of the New Year of the Trees come to life as it had never done for me before.

Back to Dr. King. We can make his day of memory meaningful too. Not by waiting for trees to bloom, but by making relationships blossom. By confronting that part of ourselves that is falling short of his vision and by learning how to better connect with our fellow brothers and sisters. This year, on January 14th, please join me as we celebrate Tu B’Shevat and Martin Luther King Jr. Day at a very special Shabbat service. And during the week before, please look out in your emails for information on a program about diversity where you can actually take part in changing the damaging racial perspectives still raging today. Make a difference just by attending and opening your hearts to truth.

This year, when the Winter winds whip through the bare branches of the trees and when the moon greets us at 4:30 in the afternoon, I will remember Tu B’Shevat in Jerusalem. This year, when snow covers the ground where the tulips will one day appear, and my long down coat is wrapped around me, I will remember Tu B’Shevat in Jerusalem. I will close my eyes and return to where Tu B’Shevat makes sense. I will smell almond spices and feel the warmth of the sun. And I will endeavor to share that feeling with all I meet. I pray for all of us to have the strength to see us through this winter again and hopefully blossom into a beautiful spring. May Tu’ B’Shevat herald in that time of rebirth and renewal.

A television series titled Picket Fences ran on CBS from 1992-1996. David E. Kelly, producer and writer of Chicago Hope, Ally McBeal, Boston Legal, The Practice and others also created this one. Mr. Kelly writes wonderful dialogue with intelligent banter and entertaining plots. Picket Fences was his first show. In my opinion, the name itself coupled with the point of the various plots of the shows, earns it the title as his most brilliant look into the human psyche.

Picket Fences takes place in the small town of Rome, Wisconsin. Jimmy Brock, the main character is the sheriff of the town. His wife, Jill, is the town doctor. They have three children, a perfect house with a spotless lawn and, you guessed it, a white picket fence. As a matter of fact, most houses in the town have white picket fences and, on the outside, the homeowners’ lives seem perfect.

However, a lot happens in this town. As the plot centers around the sheriff and the doctor, most stories revolve around puzzling illnesses or crimes. Some more memorable episodes involve cows mysteriously giving birth to humans, a mass of murdered bodies found in freezers, and spontaneous human combustion. Mr. Kelly went to great lengths to prove that picket fences do not make a perfect community.

The white picket fence has become the symbol of the American dream. And yet our new vinyl siding, beautifully maintained flower beds and white picket fences only give us a false sense of purity. Those expensive opaque blinds simply conceal our true emotions, our real-life blemishes – anger, disappointment, greed, gluttony.

A quick google search on picket fences comes up with “outdoor shower hiding behind a white picket fence.” People today believe that we can hide anything behind a white picket fence. And in the same way, we hide behind our outer appearances. Manicures, pedicures, make-up, expensive yet uncomfortable shoes, stiff yet “flattering” clothing – we hide our flaws behind this structural equipment. And we spend way too much time working on them instead of working on the issues inside.

No matter how thick the siding, how white the fence, or how beautiful the flower beds; if the inside of the house has turmoil, it will seep outside. The family cannot maintain health on the outside, if, on the inside, there is pain. It is the same with our bodies. No matter how perfect the hair or make-up; no matter how muscular or athletic, if the mind and the soul are in chaos, the body will cease to function appropriately.

I am not advocating ignoring your siding, lawn, fence, or bodily needs. On the contrary, I believe that sometimes cleaning up the outside can prompt a deeper cleanse. However, only tending to our outward needs is only doing half the job.

In the book of Samuel, chapter 16 verse 7, God speaks to the prophet Samuel saying, “For God sees not as humans see: humans look at the outward appearance, but God looks at the heart.” We are not God, but we are commanded to be Holy. Parents teach their children to “not judge a book by its cover.” Judaism teaches the same in its own way – “Al tistakeil b’kankan, eileh b’mah she-yesh bo – Don’t look at the bottle, rather, look at what is inside.” Teachers instruct students to treat everyone fairly, not by what they wear or how tall they are. Clergy preach about equal rights for all regardless of race, ethnicity, or other outward signs. And yet, we all fall victim in some way or another to disbelieving what we ourselves teach. The more we fall apart inside, the more we attempt to gain control over the outside. The vicious cycle is soul-deadening.

We must strive to see ourselves as God sees us – from the inside out. Once we shine that light inside of us to an illustrious gleam, it will radiate such light and warmth, it will overshadow any broken boards of our picket fences, any dull pieces of old siding, any physical blemish we fear. God knows, our souls are pure, our faults are real and true, for we are only human. But to become divine, we must look inside, not out – for that is where the holiness lies.

Rabbi Jaimee Shalhevet

I never expected to be stepping into the role of President at North Shore Synagogue. I think of all those who walked this path before me, each one with their own dreams and plans for the future. And now, as I enter this role after one of the most unprecedented years of physical and emotional struggles, I bring my own dreams and plans to continue the legacy of North Shore Synagogue as the congregation looks for support and meaning in their membership. At this time, I do not have the answers. What I do have, is hope.

“Optimism is the belief that things are going to get better,” writes Lord Rabbi Jonathan Sacks z”l. “Hope is the belief that we can make things better. Optimism is a passive virtue; hope is an active one. It takes no courage to be an optimist, but it does need courage to hope.”

I hope we can all be active in our vision for North Shore Synagogue.

“Hope is the ability to combine aspiration with patience; to be undeterred by setbacks and delays; to have a sense of the time it takes to effect change in the human heart; never to forget the destination even in the midst of exile and disaster.”- Lord Rabbi Jonathan Sacks z”l

I hope we can all be patient with one another. To reach out and ask for what we want in order to get what we need.

During this past year, we have welcomed new children and grandchildren and have lost many – some too young and some with fully lived lives. None without sorrow and many with additional challenges of going through life cycle events during a pandemic. This year has reminded us of the importance of being a part of a community during tough times. I participated in Zoom shivas that helped the bereaved feel connected to community members who also joined. We met relatives and friends near and far and made an impact with loving conversations about those we’ve lost. We laughed together at comedy and mind-blowing magic and mentalism nights and learned a lot about wine and cheese and cooking for Jewish holidays. We continue to have the opportunity to work together to impact what comes next. I am grateful for the efforts of everyone involved with keeping our synagogue operational during this past year. The office staff, the maintenance staff, Nursery school staff, Hebrew School staff, B’nei Mitzvah training staff, and the Board of Trustees and many of our committees worked at providing a strong connection and very much needed support to our community.

As the President, I will try to do everything to ensure that each member feels valued and connected to North Shore Synagogue. Our Rabbi, Cantor, Executive Director, Board of Trustees, and I are committed to supporting the congregation and our community — through tried-and-true programs, as well as new initiatives. These initiatives may include outreach, congregational engagement, new lifelong learning programs and innovative ways to re-engage our youth. I am optimistic that through these efforts, we will continue to grow our congregation and support the members who have shared their lives at North Shore Synagogue. I want to hear your needs, suggestions, and ideas for our congregation. I am asking anyone who wants to participate in any Board committees or synagogue activities to contact the office or myself, and we will work diligently to make it happen. The best way to reach me is by email president@northshoresynagogue.org.

July 20th will be our inaugural Golf and Cocktail Party Fundraiser at Muttontown Country Club. I hope to see many of you for fun, reconnecting and a live auction with raffle prizes, etc. Golfers and non-golfers are welcome! Bring your family and friends!

Thank you to our outgoing President, Larry Henin; our Rabbi, Jaimee Shalhevet; our Cantor, Mariel Ashkenazy; our Executive Director, Jacquelynn Golub and everyone on the Board and in our building for getting us through this most challenging year.

Signing off, as I always will, wishing you well, with the Yiddish phrase my grandparents instilled in me: “Zei Gezunt” (Be Well).

Beth Bucheister

President